I woke up on Sunday September 8th around midnight with what felt like period cramps. Initially, in my sleepy state, I remember thinking “hmm feels like period cramps, that’s weird” but it didn’t take too long before I woke up and realized “omg, am I having contractions?!” I got up from our bed, went and laid on the couch and started timing the cramps all while in disbelief that I was actually having contractions! At this point the contractions were anywhere from 7-10 minutes apart and I was able to lay on the couch and get through them just fine. About two hours later, I went to the bathroom (warning: about to be TMI up in here) and that’s when I lost my mucous plug and the bloody show started. I think up until this point I was still kinda in denial that this was even happening but once that happened I was like oh crap, I think I am actually in labor or at least that SOMETHING was definitely happening in my body!

I didn’t want to wake my husband up initially because I knew he would freak out ha! But after almost 4 hours of having contractions, he woke up when I went back into our room, and I’ll never forget his reaction when I said “babe I’ve been having contractions for almost 4 hours”. He was shook to say the least haha! In his defense, he was just waking up and we both thought that I would be pregnant forever considering I had just had an OB appointment the day before and was 0 cm dilated & not effaced at all. Well joke was on us because this little boy was aparently ready to meet us!

I continued to have contractions for 11 hours at home before we decided to go into the hospital! Throughout those 11 hours, they were still inconsistent- they would range anywhere from 2-10 min apart but they were definitely getting stronger in intensity. We kept going back and forth on whether or not to go to the hospital and as first timers we truly just didn’t know what to expect or what the right thing to do was! Eventually, we decided to head on in and decided that if anything they can just check me to see if i’m dilated at all and if not we go home! We were both fully expecting to be sent home and probably told to come back when the contractions were more consistent.

Well jokes on us again because we were told I was 2cm dilated and my cervix was paper thin aka completely effaced. They called my doctor and the next thing I know I’m being told were heading into our L&D room and they were going to start Pitocin. ENTER COMPLETE FREAK OUT MOMENT HERE. Up until this point I was nervous but this is when it got real for me! As soon as we got into our room, nurses started coming in to start an IV, set up the fluids and Pitocin, and I was doing everything I possibly could to not start balling in front of all these people. I wanted to be strong but the truth was, I was having major anxiety on the inside, and was immediately feeling so out of control. Which, for any of you who deal with anxiety, you know that it’s the absolute worst feeling. I knew in this moment that it was too late to turn back now and that whatever was going to happen was about to happen whether I was ready for it or not.

After my little freakout moment and crying to my friends on Marco Polo about how I didn't' want to do this, I calmed down a bit and tried to just go with the flow. Well that was short lived because the Pitocin kicked in very quickly and let me just say that Pitocin is the freaking DEVIL’S DRUG!!! It didn’t take long for the contractions to become just minutes apart and of course the intensity was getting stronger and stronger. I knew going into this that if I were to get Pitocin, I was most likely going to go ahead with an epidural despite being absolutely terrified of getting one. Out of anything with the L&D process, I had the most anxiety about the epidural and was determined to avoid it as long as possible. About four hours after the Pitocin was started and my contractions were coming 1 minute apart, I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. I was in unbearable pain and was sobbing through each contraction. I was gripping onto the side of the bed and crying to my husband about how bad they were and how I couldn’t take it anymore. He was so supportive and never left my side, always telling me that I could do this and that I should get the epidural if I wanted it. Finally, I knew I had to just let go of my fear and the decision was made to get the epidural. So real talk- best decision I ever made right there haha! Once the epidural was working, it was pure joy to look at the monitor and watch contraction after contraction coming without feeling them at all. At this point it was about 5 pm and my nurse checked me and told me I was about 6-7 cm and was progressing very nicely. We all were just waiting for my water to break and were under the impression that this baby would be here by the end of the night!

The next several hours felt long because I was stuck at 8 cm for quite a while and every time they would check to see if my water had broke, it hadn’t. So it felt like we were just waiting forever. At around 8 pm my doctor came in and broke my water (such a weird sensation) and then we tried some “practice pushes” as there was a piece of my cervix still in the way or something?! This is when things got scary. We tried three pushes and next thing I knew my doctor and our nurse were just staring at the monitor and not saying anything and then the charge nurse came in asking what was happening. Having experience in Mother-Baby myself, I knew enough to know that they were all looking at his heart rate and that it had dropped in the 70’s and was not going back up. I turned to my husband and whispered “this is not okay, it’s his heart rate, it’s not going back up”. I wanted to be strong and stay calm for my baby but I couldn’t help the tears from flowing and all the what-if thoughts. I just kept praying to God “please let my baby be okay, just let him be okay”. My doctor kept trying to reassure me and told me he was okay and that he just didn’t like the pushing. They decided to insert an internal monitor to keep a better eye on him, decrease the Pitocin, and do an amnioinfusion which is basically when they insert saline back inside to try and destress the baby if he was having problems with his umbilical cord, etc. The 30 minutes after this felt like an eternity. They were letting my body have a break from the Pitocin, put me in some type of position that was supposed to help, and told me they would be watching the monitors very closely but they wanted me to rest. After some time, my nurse came back in and told me that he was looking much better and they wanted me to try and push again. Oh I should mention I was about 10 cm when I started pushing and it was somewhere around 11 pm. I should also add that at this point in time I had been up for almost 40 hours and I was exhausted but the hardest part of this journey was just about to begin.

Pushing was by far the hardest most insane part of this entire experience for me. Although the epidural took away the pain of the contractions, it did not take away the pressure feeling of this baby making his way down. Which by the way this babe took his sweet sweet time doing so (slow just like his daddy). I pushed for almost 2 hours which honestly felt like 2 days. I had the sweetest nurses holding my legs and coaching me through each set of pushes. I relied on their voices as they counted and told me when to breath and when to keep going. We had worship music playing in the background and every now and then I would hear the words of these songs and it was comforting to know that my God was with me. That he would get me through this. That he would keep us safe. My husband was right by my side, rubbing my head, feeding me the occasional ice chip, and telling me over and over again that I was doing great and I could do this. Many times throughout this process I doubted my ability to do this. It was the hardest thing I had ever been through physically and I just wanted to give up. But that’s the thing about delivering a baby, you can’t just stop when it gets too much, you have to dig deep and find the super human strength that all of us mamas have. Once our doctor finally came in, I remember thinking that it must be close but thought that we still had several pushes before this was actually going to happen. On the second set of pushes, I had my eyes closed, and I remember being in the most insane pain from the pressure and then I felt this sensation and honestly didn’t know what was happening. In fact, I literally said “what’s happening??” and my doctor said “open your eyes!!” and I will never forget that moment. I opened my eyes as she was pulling him out and placing him on my chest. There he was, this perfect, tiny little miracle, here in the flesh on my chest. This sweet little boy that we had dreamed of and prayed for, for years was finally here and just like that our world was forever changed.

It’s the oddest thing ya know, it’s like in one aspect the whole situation seems like a blur but then there are so many moments that stand out so vividly when I replay them in my head. I will never forget the moments that lead up to meeting my son for the first time. I won’t forget the first time I laid eyes on him. How time stood still. The look in my husband’s eyes. The sound of his cry or the feeling of his breathing on my chest. The way he wrapped his fingers around his daddy’s hand. The way he looked into his mama’s eyes for the very first time. He was beautiful and miraculous and strong. And he was mine, forever. And nothing could ever be more meaningful than that.

Hudson Robert Salinas.

Born 09/09/19 @ 1:04 am.

6 lb 12 oz, 19 in. long.

I just wanted to take a moment and thank each and everyone of you who has followed along on our TTC journey! It was a long road filled with a lot of struggles and heart ache along the way but I would do it all over again, a hundred times over, to get to where I am today- sitting here on the couch with this sweet little boy wrapped up in my arms. Thank you for all your encouragement + continued prayers along the way. I have no doubt that those prayers were heard and I will continue to share our story of how a little bit of hope and a whole lot of Jesus, got us to our little miracle.

Hudson, if you’re ever reading this someday in the future- know that even though we’ve only been together for a short 6 weeks so far, I’m certain that I’ve loved you my entire life. You are my dream come true, my greatest love, my whole world. I love you so much sweet boy.

-xoxo, M.