Thank you Lord, thank you Lord, thank you Lord. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus- I whispered as I had my hand wrapped around my stomach, knees on the floor, tears running down my face after seeing those two beautiful pink lines.

It was a Saturday morning that I had anxiously been waiting for, for twelve very long days. I promised myself that no matter what type of “early pregnancy symptoms” I was having, I would at least wait until 12 days after I ovulated. I didn’t want to get my hopes up like last time, I told myself. But let me tell you, this girl has zero patience and so a long twelve days it was. I remember having some light cramping, breast tenderness, and most importantly- I just had this “feeling” that I can’t explain. But for days, I told myself that none of these things meant anything as I’ve seen time and time again. I went to sleep Friday night hopeful for the morning, I couldn’t wait to pee on that dang stick!

Our crazy dog, Lola, woke us up extra early but I didn’t care because that just meant it was finally here! I went to the bathroom with my husband still asleep and I got out my favorite type of pregnancy tests- you know the ones you only use when you really got a good feeling. My trying to conceive friends will know what I’m talking about! I wasn’t messing around with any cheap amazon test strips, no I went in with the big guns- the First Response tests. I remember reading the instructions for the 100th time as if I really needed to remind myself how many minutes I needed to wait. I remember dipping that stick in the cup and setting it down on the counter and thinking to myself that I was going to look the other way for the remaining three minutes until it was safe to look. Well friends, that didn’t happen because to my complete and utter shock I instantly saw that second line show up and my heart sank to my stomach. I could not believe what my eyes were seeing. In both of our other pregnancies, the lines always started out super faint and I would be holding them up to the light to see if there were truly two lines! So to see these two beautiful dark lines appear within seconds, I knew that this was it. This was actually happening.

Instantly, I dropped to my knees and started thanking God over and over again until I couldn’t find any other words to say and then I just whispered his name, Jesus. And I knew in that moment that he was with me. That he had heard my prayers of pure gratefulness called out to him. I felt like I was wrapped in his overwhelming love.

I remember getting up from my knees and looking in the mirror and it was as if everything had changed all in a matter of minutes. I remember looking at my face, wiping my tears, and thinking to myself- I want to remember this exact moment. I want to remember the way my face looked as I learned that I would finally be a mother. I wanted to remember how eternally grateful I was for this precious gift. I wanted to remember it all.

I left the bathroom and walked back to our bedroom where my husband was still sleeping. I sat down next to him and gave him a gentle little shrug and I believe I said “babe wake up” with a lot more enthusiasm than my typical morning self. As he started to wake up and put his glasses on, I said “babe I’m pregnant!” and I will never forget the look on his face as he said “how do you know??”. Ha, to be fair we had been down this road a couple times before and usually the conversation always started with “I think I’m pregnant”. Well this time was different and I think he could tell. I excitedly said “because the lines are dark- look at them!” as I showed him the stick! Immediately, he saw it too and he grabbed me in his arms and I wept. I remember feeling pure happiness as he held me, a moment I had desperately longed for.

Fast forward two weeks and some days later, we had our viability ultrasound and I don’t think I’ve ever been more nervous in my life! I remember leaving work and driving to the appointment, so sick to my stomach. My anxiety was through the roof and I kept thinking of how in the past all we received was bad news at these ultrasounds. I was terrified of history repeating itself again and I couldn’t shake the thought that all of this just seemed too good to be true. I got to the appointment before my husband and I just sat in my car and cried because the fear was completely taking over my body. I was crying and praying to God to please let there be a beautiful little baby with that beautiful little heartbeat.

And in the midst of my overwhelming fear, the song “Stand in Your Love” came on and it was like God knew exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. Over and over I sang “My FEAR doesn’t stand a chance when I stand in your LOVE” and I let those words fill my mind and heart until I could feel myself breathing slower and could feel the anxiety slowly becoming less. Friends, I have no doubt that that specific song came on at exactly the moment that I needed to hear it. He knew I desperately needed to hear those words.

About fifteen minutes later, I was holding my breath as the ultrasound tech began the scan. And in a matter of seconds my entire life changed. There it was, this tiny precious baby with a little flickering heartbeat. I was in awe that this beautiful little baby was inside of me, that we created this life and that we were finally going to have our miracle baby. It’s been almost 10 weeks since that day and I’m still in absolute awe every single day that I was given this opportunity. I’ve experienced a happiness that I never knew was possible and I know I’ll never be the same again. Growing this life inside of me has been the greatest blessing of my life and I can’t wait until the day that I can hold him in my arms and tell him how much his mom and dad fought for him. How much we went through and how we never gave up because even though fear tried to steal our dreams away, it was HIS love that kept us going and blessed us with our miracle.

There are no words to describe how thankful I am that you have followed along on our journey to conceive. I have no doubt that he heard all of your prayers and that all of your well wishes for us were received. I can’t wait to continue to share our story with you and to remind you that there is always hope even in the midst of the darkest storms.

-xoxo, M.

Our Miracle Baby: Finding Out We Were Pregnant!